Filling in the Blanks Pt 2
And whilst that sentiment is all very well, female-songstress; it isn’t entirely practical.
What I was intending on talking about in my previous blog was the knowledge/experience gaps that are making themselves known to me in my life. Instead I ended up talking about how everyone changes in their personality/outlook/etc. as time advances forward – and how relationships wax and wane between people, depending on where your shared interests (or increasing lack of) take you.
This blog is more about figuring out how to fill in the ‘blanks’ in my life; because despite the aforementioned aphorism – you can’t just skip to the good bit. Yes there are shortcuts that can be bought, or uncovered via the internet – but if you want to form a meaningful relationship (in every sense of that word), you have to start somewhere prior to your goal, and work towards it.
I think I’ve touched on this before – if we could just wander up to a person, say ‘I want to do this, this and this with you’ and they reciprocate – life would be a lot less meaningful. I like to avoid cliches like the plague, but we are very much navigating the waters of ‘it’s all about the journey’ and similar phrases of that ilk.
But the best cliches are there because of the truth about them.
And I really have been able to start seeing that these things aren’t the gratifying end result of – say – having sex with someone you really like; or printing that book I’ve been working on; or performing that piece of music that’s been in my head.
It’s about how you get there from here.
Not that I didn’t understand this before. Pre-2012 I had probably could have told you this already (as I’m sure most of you at least already know these things anyway) – it’s just back then I would have held to question the inherent value of doing any of these things. I mean – strictly speaking – there is no exterior value to doing any of these things anyway. (At least for as long as my philosophical mind continues to tick over). However, another part of me is seemingly successfully taking over my focus in life, and starting to show how much fun I could have on this journey.
The past two years have been a revelation; the past 6 months in particular. And whilst there is a nagging feeling of ‘lost ground’ as the ‘gaps’ in my life experiences make themselves known to me – I tend to comfort myself in the amount of philosophical theory that I’ve been doing.
Okay, so when all is said and done, that’s a pretty feeble statement – and it does belie the tremendous amount of fun I have still had – through Uni, beyond Uni; the creative stuff I’ve done; the people I’ve met – the friends I have made. But – in truth – what I have been doing was Phase 1: Establishing ground rules; first principles; doing some initial exploratory work; testing the shallower waters.
Rather confusingly the phrase that comes to mind here is ‘When You Were Shouting at the Devil… We Were in League with Satan’. That’s the title of the single Zimmer’s Hole mp3 that I have floating around my hard-drive somewhere.
But – to me – it really does feel like whilst people have been living their lives like X, I have been living it like Y. But it turns out we’re on the same page – just via two different sides of a coin.
My these metaphors are really starting to crash into each other aren’t they…
So let’s leave this there. I think what I’m going to think about this coming weekend is what do I want to get done in Phase 2?
There’s a Simon Amstell bit that I don’t fully believe, where he talks about visualising a white feather [relaying a Buddhist teaching I think], and – when he did this – the white feather appeared.
But – to deploy an old procrastinator’s trick – writing out a list of the things I want to accomplish; be it on whatever realistic timeline – I think that is a Good Thing to be doing this weekend, as 2015 rolls into view.
Fortunately I have prepared for such an eventuality by fixing a whiteboard to my spare room’s wall, upon which all my plans are drawn up ^_^