Filling in the Blanks











Well it seems to be one of those weird days-in-between-days between Christmas and New Year; I’m back home after visiting the parents, but after a few days at work I’m off again for New Year-related shenanigans.

So apologies if these thoughts are a little unstructured - but I’d like to throw them out there before I’m distracted again.

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I think everyone has an idea of what their complete life looks like. Wait that’s a terrible statement.

More accurately, anyone who has filled out an online dating profile starts to get an idea of what they might actually be looking for in terms of a partner, and perhaps what they might want to do and where they might want to go in life (sure, why not, geographically and also metaphysically).

Even more accurately - I’ve started to figure out what I might want.

Which is a very weird thing to say; seeing as though for a long time in my life I’d decided I knew very much the reality of the universe, and the complete philosophical limitations that everyone carries with them. So I knew - perhaps more than most people - that nothing beyond your experiences is truly real in any definable sense - all you have is those experiences and how you chose to react/interact/act on them.

Which is an incredibly contracted version of my pet philosophy, but I think it still bears true.

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Where was I going with this?

Oh yes. Blanks.

After spending a significant lack of effort in exploring some areas of who I am, my focus has shifted in the past few years and this is where the gaps come in. Blanks. Gaps. Whatever.

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I don’t have very much in the way of personal experience in the real world. Which is - again - odd to say, because I’ve been around for 30 years.

And yet there are significant gaps in my ‘real world profile’ (not least my dating profile) of experiences that I think people by now have already started to experience, and are almost so far ahead of me that it is difficult to see them. And even connect to them.

If I might use a less obvious example: One of my friends has a kid. Actually they have two. And trying to relate to that can be quite a challenge (not that it raises a problem), because 'having a child’ is so far down the relationship route [or up so many 'levels’ in the game of life], its just not entirely practical to relate over that aspect of their lives. Fortunately there are other commonalities; but there will be some time in the future where (conceivably - hah; punnage), friends-with-children will be in the majority in my social circles, and there will be a lot more of children-related chit-chat etc. that [assuming I’m no closer to that relationship stage] will alienate me.

That’s not a criticism by the way - its an observation. Obviously my friends will go through change, just like everything around us; and I guess the continuation of that friendship - whilst not determined by 'common conversation points’ - is influenced by where our lives go and if our paths continue to cross.

Of course, these paths can be abstract; senses of humour, fondness for jaffa cakes - so I’m not being too literal here.

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Anyway - YES; the blanks. Because I know people (yeah that’s right - you heard - I know people…), I am made aware of all sorts of life experiences - and not just from my friends, but from films; stories on the internet; books; etc.

And some of those appeal. Some more so than others. But there are definitely a set of experiences {not necessarily sharing anything with each other - other than the property of 'things I’d like to do}, that intrigue me.

I’m not going to list them - well except maybe in my own mind - because some of them are frankly weird, but the important thing is that I’m starting to *see* these things, and (most challengingly) imagine myself in the scenarios.

I say challengingly because the frustration is not being able to jump into those experiences and immediately get what I want.

Which - yes, I know - is all part of the challenge of life; you can’t always get what you want - at least, straight away… (one can hope!) - but I think given that I have spent so long (not deliberately) shying away from some of the more adventurous aspects of life; I’m kinda itching to get on with some things now…

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Fortunately I have a great mentor that I’ve gotten much closer to in recent months, to help guide me along these new paths - but that’s just a part of who I hope to be in 2015. I’m starting to recognise that new experiences require new effort.

Yes, the dating profile is a start; but I am very much interested in looking out for other opportunities.

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As is often the case (certainly recently) I’m not really too sure about what this blog is about - I have designs on pushing myself into new territories, which does mean leaving some familiar waters.

At some point I’m going to drift by something new and (maybe) unexpected, which will mean my course might change.

Who knows what the future brings?

Okay maybe Agnes Nutter, but that’s about it…

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Whatever 2015 brings you, may it be filled with fun, laughter and the occasional non-sequitur.

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