A Sense of Powerlessness

 

Surely it must be true of all humans, that for a significant percentage of your life, it is spent trying to figure out what is going on.

Certainly in early childhood that seems demonstrably true - what can I eat? What is hot, what is cold? How do I communicate with these other people? These people in particular seem to care about me - that feels nice; I'll stay with them for a while; and so on.

Then as a teenager you perhaps start to figure out more about who you are and what the body of yours can do - and maybe start to think about the entirety of existence, and your place within it.

That feels familiar to me - but I think it absolutely doesn't stop there if you don't want it to. Yes there are some avenues where folks accept there being no answer to 'why this?', and carry on a path for the rest of their lives (and, objectively, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that) - whilst others continue to question things: Why do we work? Why are we supposed to love one person above all others? Why is the society I appear to be living in like this? Why do I favour certain brands and/or lifestyles, over others?

And I think for some people, all that enquiry is not helpful. The world is a lot to take in. You have to come to accept that you are just one person on a planet of billions, and very little you ever do will have resolved something.

Gosh that didn't intend to sound as bleak as that does! Bear with me...

Yes, I have been at that deep, dark realisation point - but have also accepted and come to terms with that - and instead I feel like I am (in some respects) at the evolution of this questioning process - and starting to challenge what seems to be reality, in some key areas.

Don't get me wrong - I am accepting of physics, and biology - in that I know I have physical limits; for example - unaided, I can't travel very far at all; and I don't believe I can transcend time and space - at least not without some exotic substance's assistance.

But I am in a privileged position to challenge the society around me.

Some are thoroughly natural and personal-to-me decisions (around relationships, for example); others are more disruptive to my existence - for example being able to take a break from working for a bit of time - working instead on my own (and sadly non-income-generative) projects.

One of these projects is designed to question the notion of nations by examining the history and consequences of the passport; a document I imagine most people don't question beyond it's colour.

Another project is the Ministry of Ginger, through which I interrogate the systems I have grown up in, and challenge exactly what they are, and why they are.

Which, naturally, brings me to the 2024 UK general election.

Now, this isn't going to be an in-depth analysis of who what why where when and how; I'm sure most of you reading this are already 'over' the election, and just want the new lot to get on with not fucking up the country as badly as the last lot. I get that.

[If you want my analysis of it though, then I will be posting a report under the Ministry of Ginger in the near future, once the official results are published; just a week or so after the count I believe].

What I would like to document is the title and feeling of this blog; a sense of powerlessness. Both in a general sense, and in a specific sense to the general election:

As I have gone through life, questioning what is going on in and around me, I have always gotten to the natural barriers. I distinctly remember as a teenager getting to a sense of 'but what's outside the universe?!' like - I could imagine the universe as a much bigger version of a galaxy, in turn a much bigger version of our solar system - but beyond?! I just couldn't get my head around it. And I know few have!
And so it was relatively easy to conclude that this wasn't going to have a significant practical impact on my life - I'm very happy to accept the sense of beyond the universe is just unknowable to me here - and just go with the silly answers instead, that pop up in Futurama and similar as informed jokes; or - as a person when unexpected things happen - make a reference to parallel/alternative universes, and move on.

Yes, I am powerless to know very much about what lies beyond Earth/the starts - but I am quite comfortable accepting that, and exploring it with my imagination instead.

You also come to accept that - unless somehow internally motivated - you will never get a sense of learning what it would like to be developing in another culture. As a random example - I know the Sámi peoples exist, but I will never be a part of their culture. I mean; I could change course in my life and become a British-born person who transitions into that culture, and may even be accepted to some extent - but it's nothing that appeals to me.

And yet if I were to encounter someone from that culture it would be enlightening process. A happy bonus to my trove of life experiences, but nothing I can truly know - without making significant changes to my current life setup.

If these two descriptions are giving you a sense of shrinking perspective - that's kind of what I am going for here.

You may well be familiar with what happens when you turn on your Google Maps (or similar) app on in a new location - sometimes the Map starts out at a truly global scale, with the dot of you in the centre; and then it eventually zooms 'down' to your nearest vicinity. I don't know the exact area this refined view covers - but it makes sense, as you are probably opening a map app to find out what is nearby to you; so zooming in on you and your surrounding area makes complete practical sense.

Now take this idea, but go a bit slower:
Start from a perspective you are reasonably familiar with - maybe the Earth as a whole with the moon nearby. And we're going to slowly zoom in on 'you' wherever you are on the planet; and I will use myself as an example:

As we focus in on just the Earth, my limited knowledge of the moon (mainly from the Apollo missions, various moon-related films, and passing interest in the space race at various points - but I don't know everything there is to know about the moon!); this moon knowledge fades into the background.
As we focus in on 'just' the Earth - shameful blank areas are everywhere - South & Central America; Africa, I know very little - Australia is made of mainly parodies and 'The Last Continent' references; New Zealand a little more knowledge thanks to a previous partner and Lord of the Rings, and my parents' sole visit there - Asia I have some sporadic knowledge based on my time in Vietnam, and my correspondence with former colleagues in Singapore and China; and a randomly painted way into Mongolia; but my 'knowledge sphere' is pretty limited beyond Europe, beyond Michael Palin travel documentaries and what I've stated above.

So the 'knowledge area' now shrinks down to a Europe-sized 'zoom level', and I have some knowledge of bits of Europe, mainly through travelling to a few places; plus my early 2000s knowledge of the European metal scene.

The 'knowledge area' zooms in further again, to just the UK - which (obviously) a large chunk of my knowledge is concentrated on; but nevertheless there are gaps [that I sometimes plug with YouTube videos], and eventually the map zooms into the immediate surroundings of myself - with some bright highlights of people and places near and dear to me; until we zoom entirely in on me only.

Hopefully that exercise gives you an idea of what I think everyone has - limited knowledge beyond themselves; but with some helpful common knowledge for their particular situation (e.g. the country and culture they are currently living in). I like the idea that the missing gaps are constantly being 'filled in' by your subconscious, made up on things you have fleetingly heard; which is how prejudices are easily created - when you have a very limited knowledge of something, and sometimes have to rely on the perspectives of others - because it is literally impossible for you to experience everything about the world. Your imagination too plays a large part of that; helping filling in the blanks - or making external things appear more fun than they might actually be - partly as a coping mechanism; and hopefully without causing harm or disrespect to other people's realities.

Obviously, it is natural to focus in on yourself; on your immediate situation. All of the random things I have listed above - I am not constantly thinking about them. I simply recall them (or try to recall them!) when the appropriate moment arises; or if someone asks me something that I have prior knowledge of.

It would be insane to be constantly walking around, refreshing yourself of everything you have ever encountered. Seemingly that is one of the main purposes of the subconscious/memory; and hopefully something you can always access.

So what is my point?

Well, in many ways we all have a sense of powerlessness. There is so so so so many 'things' that exist out in the world around us; ideas, concepts; people, places, things; constructs - so much; and it would be impossible to know everything about everything. And so very often we feel (or at least I myself feel!) hopeless in the face of a lot of that: My limited knowledge makes it clear to me how the entire British political system needs to be fixed; because I can't afford the time to research and inhabit every single aspect of it in any given moment - but I can imagine a better world off the back of my perspective, and limited knowledge gained as part of the political process.

But I am still powerless to change it (or at least feel that way); and not in a defeatist 'we might as well all give up and go home' kind of way; but in the way that I know that I am not truly driven to affect that change - I will feel more 'at home' or within my 'knowledge area' through a more 'local to me' exploration of life, the universe, and everything.

I think that is what the Ministry is about; I think that is what my passport project is about; I think that is what the ways in which I currently live my life are about - and I feel empowered to explore those further.