The Gift That Keeps on Giving?


This Christmas just gone I spent £459.32 on presents. It will surprise approximately none of you to know that I know this because I have a spreadsheet of everything I bought.

Money is paradoxically only quantifiable in itself. Meaning, I don't know what some of those words mean.
But also meaning I have no idea if you reading this feel like that's a lot of money, or not very much; or 'sounds about right'; or all of the above, depending on the context of the gifts, and who received them.

Which is an odd thought to have about presents. Or at least the socially accepted tradition of gift-giving at both Christmas and Birthdays, which is part of the world in which I have been brought up.


But where this has led me is to reconsider (or - perhaps more accurately - consider) presents.

I guess it is easy to talk to them as social expectations, unnecessary in a consumerist world; but that does seem to take the heart out of what at least some people believe about them. And I do not wish to do any of my friends & family a disservice by saying that's how I've felt about presents.
No, I've loved my presents.
Over the years: Lego, Pratchett books, chocolate, DVDs, new music, silly books, serious books, mints, random items of clothing, socks; all of these and many more have brought me delight over many Christmases and Birthdays.

And yet, I guess the 'problem' with all of the above these days is that I am lucky enough that I can just go out and buy these. Pretty much whenever I wish.
Which is not to say the gifts aren't appreciated - they absolutely are - but are they truly necessary?

Bear with me on this - I'm treading a fine line here between sounding ungrateful (which I am not), and sounding pretentious (also not good).

One category of gifts not mentioned so far has been the experiences - the intangible - a ticket to a show, some sort of outdoor activity, a planned series of films and foods.

These feel a bit different. I guess because rather than being immediate physical things happening on that Christmas morning - something to read, eat, drink, watch or giggle at - they are going to happen at 'some point in the future' and - often - with someone you are fond of.

But even these still don't escape from where I think my fundamental challenge with presents lies - it is the timing. Now I know the echoes of how Christmas, yule, etc. came about - I get it; celebrating lasting the dark days of winter, with family and friends - taking time to pause and consider how lucky we are.

Whilst I agree with that last sentiment; everything before that is a bit of a nonsense given our (Brexit-permitting) constant access to a free market of food, goods and services; does it really need to be one particular day each year that we do presents?

What about presence?



If you've survived that cringeworthy last question, here's what I'm basically talking to.

If you are a friend of mine, firstly thank you for any presents you have given to me in the past.
Your physical gifts adorn my house on mantelpiece, shelves, bookcases, DVD shelves and random walls. They bring character to my home.
Your less tangible gifts - often in the form of a ticket, or programme from a show; or just some photos from the day we did something unusual - they are also stored in my box of mementos, or on my dropbox photo folder.

However, consider yourself released of any social obligation to give me presents going forward.

This includes my birthday, and of course Christmas.
Christmas is just such a silly biased time of expense (compared to the rest of the year), that I'm more than happy to remove my name from your calculations if it has been before.
And birthdays are kinda funny - yes the financial impact of them are usually spread vaguely evenly throughout the year - but sometimes they just fall at the wrong time; people forget (especially without Facebook to remind you! He says, nervously...); and honestly sometimes you just don't feel like encountering any awkwardness of 'well they got me something so I need to get them something' so you don't.

So - to be clear - I hold no expectation to receive any more birthday presents, or Christmas presents.

Family it feels a bit different; a tradition that I know my immediate family like to perpetuate, albeit in small financial doses.
And maybe the closest of close feel like getting me something - but, as I say, there is no expectation.

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So is this all a big roundabout way of me saying 'I'm not getting any of you lot presents either'? Well, no.

Okay, maybe a bit - but purely in the sense of I want to show my appreciation of our friendship better.

And I want to do that not on two specific dates in the year (Christmas and your Birthday) - but on all days of the year.

Which again is pretentious bollocks; clearly I'm not going to send you presents each day. And - more specifically - even with the greatest will in the world ever, I'm not going to interact with every one of you every day. Life just doesn't allow for that. Nor would I imagine most of you want that XD

But what I'm meaning is that I want to show my appreciation of our friendship if and when I can.

Let's spend more time together either in person, or over Twitter. Or in a random whatsapp group of silliness. Or playing computer games together at 1am. Or at the movies. Or off walking somewhere. Or at a zoo. Or reading our respective blogs.

Sure, I might bring some gifts with me when we meet up (especially if that is a rare thing to be celebrated). Or I might treat us both to tickets to a thing. Or I might gratefully accept the gift of your hospitality. Or I don't know. Do you know what I mean?

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In summary; I have no expectation going forward on the specific designated days of Christmas and Birthday to receive presents, because it is those two events.

What I expect myself to do is to give more meaningful things to the people in my life. These might be physical gifts; these might be adventures together.

Whatever they are, I hope they are what we both want out of our friendship.

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