P is also for Polyamory














If you had asked me 17 months ago ‘what is Polyamory?’ I would have made some terrible joke about ‘it’s where parrots go to get their armour fitted’.

Because I really did know nothing about Polyamory back then - about a lot of things in fact.

But since then I have discovered a lot more about myself and the ways in which people operate in modern society, and I’ve met some pretty damn awesome people along the way.

For those of you still putting together the vaguely cryptic messages I have made over the last few months; let me get to the point:

I identify as Polyamorous in terms of my relationships.

I know this for a few reasons - one, my girlfriend is in two other open relationships, which is not only awesome for her, but it means I have a unique friendship with one of her partners (the other isn’t exactly local so that is less simple!), and occasionally (well, once so far) we go off somewhere and have a great day out together.

Another reason I know I am ‘Poly’ is because something a wise bearded man once said to me a few years ago rang true: There really doesn’t have to be ‘the one’ in your love life.

Now I don’t mean that if you don’t subscribe to that social construct that you should go and immediately form multiple relationships - but what’s to stop that thought?

A much less bearded woman once asked the question - ‘you have multiple friends, some of which you have a different level of friendship with than others - so why not have multiple partners?’.

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Now all of this is all very well and good for me to say, because it is something I believe in. But if I have learned one thing in my wider philosophical thinking, is that every single person’s views are different. And - certainly in the decadent West - monogamy is the norm.

And - to be clear - I have absolutely no problem with monogamy. Certainly not with honest monogamy. I almost envy two people that can devote their lives to each other; working towards an ideal yin and yang-like existence.

But my brain does not work that way. Or at least that seems to be the case on the evidence thus far…

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So what does this mean if you know me?

Well, if truth be told; not very much - if at all.

Sure, you can ask me questions about how a Poly relationship works (I won’t get bogged down in technical terminology either - a lot of it I haven’t really picked up on anyway!) but all you need to know is that I am happier in my life than I’ve ever been, as well as on a very steep learning curve (did I mention this is my first relationship?); and things are only just beginning to settle down.

In fact, having now told my parents about this development in my life; another wave of thoughts and emotions has hit me, urging me on further to tell the whole world about this new thing.

Which is a particularly new experience for me - whilst I have always been forthcoming about my thoughts and ideas, I haven’t shared too much about ‘me’, emotionally speaking.

Truth be told, there wasn’t much of me that was ‘emotionally driven’ a few years ago - one or two key things that I’ve talked about before changed that - and I haven’t been the same since.

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And change can be terrifying.

The amount I have changed over even the past year is unreal; yet I am still considered to be the same person - I still did all those fun things with friends in my formative years; I still treasure those memories.

But what is less under-my-control now is the making of new memories.

I have always had awesome friends - be it through music, film, theatre, comedy, etc. - but now there is an extra group of friends that comes with exploring the Polyverse.

I hope you can all at least understand the journey I am now on - because I hope you can help me understand it as well.

I will of course check in now and then, maybe even send you a (metaphorical or even real) postcard; and - who knows - maybe even some of you will journey along with me?

All I know is this journey stuff is a clichéd metaphor - and I like to avoid clichés like the plague - but it is one I’m happy to keep journeying along with for now.

In fact for no subliminal reason whatsoever, I feel compelled to leave you with the song that came up on random immediately after my first date into a brave new world.


The future is not yet written. All things change. Nothing lasts forever; not even for a second.

Love.

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