Reflections











Folks, I am at a crossroads in my life right now.

I’m not talking literally of course; it would be foolish to compose such a lengthy note on Facebook at a major traffic intersection - although if you feel comfortable with the image of me seated at the edge of a nice country lane crossroads (the sort that chickens might wander across without their motives being questioned) then please do hold onto that comforting image whilst you read on.

I say I am at a crossroads in my life, because - in a moment of clarity - I can quite firmly say that ‘all of these things came before this moment; and all of these other things will forever be after this moment - and that moment in-between quite definitely has changed my life.’

You see in recent years things have very much been in turmoil - I know it might not have appeared like it on the outside - but definitely inside I have been conflicted; an internal battle betwixt my emotions and my rationale. [A rift betwixt my fingers and my tenor - if you are so Minchin-gly inclined].

2012 was a very emotional year for me; in a moment of madness I had what will hopefully be the only, and most horrific accident in my lifetime - and I experienced emotions that I had never really felt before in my life.
Not least my unparalleled joy at that exact moment in which Rowan Atkinson won the Olympics.

But since that summer, I haven’t been entirely at ease with myself; as usual my imagination ran riot and took me to a whole new planet of places and ideas; great in principle, but not so much in experience.

So much so that I have had to step back from a few friendships - out of fear of hurting someone; or not being who I wanted to be anymore.

Yes I had a diversion into amateur dramatics - pretending to be someone else for a while just came along at the right time - and I have regained some friendships with a deeper and more profound understanding of them, and the people in them.

But all that while, something was missing. Something that I didn’t know I was looking for - and yet when it found me; I became myself once more.

-

In many years time, I will sit down with my grandchildren one lazy Saturday afternoon - just before the Formula 1 Qualifying is beamed live from THE MOON - and tell them about today.
And how a little miracle came into my life.

For on that day I will ask my grandchildren; “What do you think are the odds of me hearing not just one great Thomas the Tank Engine/System of a Down mashup - but two?”.And they will say; “but Grandpa - that’s not possible!”

And I will throw them a wry smile; shuffle across to my Spectrum Darknet Terminal; navigate to MyTube, and play them this:


And mere moments after it dies away; then I will whisper to them “Oh but there’s more…” and play this:


-

Jenny; Chris; Olivia; Jem; Andys; Wables; Becky; Rich; Kel; Alf; Shell; Jon; Laura; Sam; Laurence; and to all of my friends: You have been an inspiration to me at key moments in my life - I dedicate this moment to you all; and hope that there’s a song in your life that never leaves your head.

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