The Human Condition

My what a pretentious title.

Even the picture is mildly pretentious [although this is basically what you get when you search for “the human condition” in google images, and ask for Exactly… 630x250 in size].

So what’s it all about?

Well this is a recurring theme that keeps coming back to me, and - for no obvious reasons - was at the front of my mind this morning.

A long time ago in a mental state not too far away, I came to the logical conclusion that I couldn’t ultimately share my life with someone else; because of the infinite impossibility that person can never experience directly what you experience - it is always an inferred experience. And vice-versa. Ad infinitum for everyone you ever meet.

But of course people do have relationships - I’m sure that has barely escaped anyone’s attention; be it from the broader and less defined social relationships (close friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, everything in between), to the more elusive romantic relationships that take on a more personal space.

And why do these happen?

Because of our ability to forget or blindly ignore the logical isolated state of our existence, through an emotion-fuelled release of chemicals on a huge variety of scale.

{As an aside I recognise there is a Catch-22 to exploring all of this - you can’t describe the emotional side of life in purely rational terms; and likewise I’m going to struggle to emotionally bring my points across here about the absolutely logical}

In forgetting your own relative insignificance, you actively engage with the outside world - money brings a structure to how most of the world operates; conversations with your work colleagues hold some meaning; experiences with those closer to you fulfils some deep-down hunger that can last for days, weeks even more - and falling in love with someone (arguably the pinnacle of the emotional life) for at least significant chunks of your life, makes you feel more than not-alone - makes you feel complete.

Having the briefest of experiences of the latter put quite the cat among the pigeons in my life story so far; and has led me to revise some of my earlier Uni-age theories.

But my earlier assertion remains - the emotional side of life is due to an ignorance, absence, overwhelming of the logical side.

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Now, of course there doesn’t have to be ‘sides’ in this - I’m sure that most people have a healthy mix of the emotional, the logical, and the spectrum in-between. Of course others favour one side more than the other, sometimes to their detriment [I hugely favour the logical, of course!], but a mix is surely the answer.

So why do I have such a problem with life beyond the logical?

Or - more specifically - why did I wake up this morning, and many more before it, 'returning to square one’ in my philosophy - IE that only I can experience what I experience; there is therefore no logical position in which my unique experience can be experienced by anyone other than myself.

Ergo, no point in attempting to share my unique experience with anyone.

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Happily there are times when I overrule my own argument - my emotional side takes over and craves social interaction/acceptance; many many happy times have been spent sharing thoughts, ideas, jokes, drinks, music with friends and family. And it is only if there is a mis-judged conversation, or a sobering-up realisation in the early hours at these social events, that the logical side comes creeping back in, and I find myself wondering what the emotional achieves in the long term.

But it is on these less-outward days that the voice in the back of my head reminds me of the ultimate logical truth, and I am back to thinking I am better off with the immediate realities of my existence and the worth of my emotions is ultimately null and void.

Which is depressing to read, and yet this logical loyalty is also an emotionally fulfilling existence to lead. Sure it is not as roller-coaster-y as the emotional life - you very much know where you are and where everything else is when you are strictly logical - but you know where you stand.

And I wonder if this internalised battle will ever end - I expect it won’t - unless I take a serious blow to the head, I think I will always hold on to my logical truths, even whilst hopefully embroiled in a romantic relationship. Because I can’t deny that letting my emotions take the lead is utterly joyous, in that briefest of glimmers of that life I had.

But I can also not deny that having my logical, ultimately true outlook on existence makes me a richer individual.

It is just a shame that no-one will ever live the exact same universe as I am doing.

Or maybe that is the most beautiful thing of all?