Learning the Language










Let it not be said he shied away from exploring that which he did not understand.
~ Someone, Probably
So I had an interesting experience earlier in the week, which - as is often the case with these experiences - played on my mind for a good while after the event.

Which has resulted in me writing up this article in a bid to get a better understanding of that experience and a variety of points that came spinning out of it.

As with most of my articles, these are pretty much articulated-stream-of-consciousness so please attempt to engage in intelligent discourse as a result, not judge this to be my final position.

This started with a mundane event - my car going in for service and MOT - and, joy-of-joys; it failed on a number of points resulting in an unexpected bill just shy of four figures.

Coming off the back of an expensive January (also included an unexpected boiler repair), and - more importantly - right off the back of the high of my 30th; this was a kick in the teeth. Not a literal kick the in teeth of course, but a metaphorical one at least.

So I took to Twitter in that moment to express my frustration, straight after coming off the phone with the garage.

Except in that moment the particular phrase that my brain threw down my nerves into my fingers was; Splendid! Just been raped in the face by my car failing its MOT ¬_¬

Which - typed in a moment of pure emotion - I didn’t think anything of. I moved on; figured out how to recover from this latest financial setback over the next few months, and went to sleep.

-

Of course my message got cross-posted to my Facebook wall, which meant that when I woke up the following morning, there had been some reactions to my post - mainly positive and some consoling, but there were a few that initially surprised me.

The use of the word ‘raped’ had evidently caused a stir and it took some education for me to understand (at least to some extent) why.

And those thoughts are still spinning on - so forgive me if I switch to bullet-point mode and attempt to revisit all the variations on a theme of thinking that I’ve had over the past few days:
  • My initial thought - I must admit - was as to why, before consoling my anguish (or even instead of) some of my friends chose to take me to task over my choice of phrase, rather than offer some comfort to my predicament. Was the issue of the wording so important that it should take precedent (even exclusive precedent) over my immediate misery?
  • Well - perhaps - the wording issue is more important than my own happiness; obviously I am just one person whereas rape affects (well if I’m honest I don’t have figures to hand), I can only assume thousands (tens of thousands? maybe millions?) of people
  • I have to admit the speed at which some of my friends posted relevant articles about my choice of verb was frightening - but nonetheless a little more clarificationary about their objections
A Digression About the Word 'Gay’

Skipping back many years now - probably into my early twenties, when the internet was still establishing itself as a melting pot of information (and misinformation) - an early tool to this was the many chat-rooms of the IRC network - one in particular figured prominently in my online genesis.

And it was in that chat room that I was taken to task about the use of the word 'gay’ - as in 'that band are so gay’ - approx. translation: that band are so rubbish.

Now, in my naive, new-to-the-internet-melting-pot-state, it took me a bit of time to understand what the point was here; it took me roughly three stages to get it:
  1. The word 'gay’ is just one of those many internet slang words; this happens to mean 'rubbish’ or even 'bad’, but I don’t see why gay people have a problem with that - I’m just using that word in a different way
  2. The fact is, any association of the word 'gay’ with a negative connotation - or even any use that isn’t its correct usage in reference to homosexuality - is damaging to gay rights, and doesn’t help with the perception of the gay community as a force for good (even now it isn’t exactly that that battle is won, and sexual preference is nothing more than 100% accepted)
  3. Therefore I should actively try not to use 'gay’ in that way ever again
Now I can’t say it happened overnight - but I made that active decision, and after a while I think it is safe to say that I have corrected my initial internal dictionary, and - I sincerely hope - I never use that word in that way again.

And this change was borne out of a request from a good friend of mine - who was certainly much more aware of the LGBT world than I was at the time - which is why; in wanting to be a good friend - I made that change.

-

Back to the bullet points:
  • The aforementioned objections seemed to be along similar lines to the above example then - and the first article that was linked on my FB wall seemed to confirm this
  • My only challenge back to this article is that it talks about the high-school hyperbolic use of the word belies an ignorance on the realities of rape - whilst I am (thankfully) not a direct victim of rape - I believe I am educated enough to understand that it is a horrible act for anyone to experience - perhaps that contributed to the exceptions to my use however; the fact that I am an educated person and so really should know better - and that high school usage can be - to some extent - forgiven, combined with an appropriate education about the term
  • Like the 'gay’ example, the word rape had been in my vocabulary since the early days of my life online - it is a slang term that has often been used incorrectly, particularly in gaming culture (a brief but excellent example being also posted on my FB wall) - which is why when my brain searched for 'a phrase to express my person being violated in a manner against my will’, it came up with 'raped’ - rather than violated (for example), which just didn’t feel expressed the same vitriol that I was feeling at the time
  • I did then wonder if there were to be the same immediate-social-circle outrage if instead of expressing my emotions in words, I had (permitting an unexpected burst of artistic ability) drawn a crude photoshop of my car with an appropriate organic appendage in my open mouth, as I cried £ sign tears [Barman: One round of mind-bleach for all my readers please. Thanks ~ Ed.]?
    Would it have caused the same reaction?
  • This echoes back to an ongoing battle I have had throughout my online life of expressing words on screen, without an expression of tone - in particular sarcasm (see: Blown Sky High)
  • Lacking a fuller explanation for my friend’s exceptions of my word use - and no doubt because I was still confused at the prioritisation of correcting the vocabulary of my emotional outburst, rather than offering comfort - my mind travelled to wondering some less coherent and fully formed thoughts:
  • Must the sanctity of word definition be preserved above all else - IE in order to ensure that rape is only ever treated seriously, speaking the word out of context should be banned?
  • I would disagree - I’m never for absolute censorship, not least because it is impossible - as I think dialogue about the word and reminder of what it means is important. For example I assume all of my friends are enlightened enough to know that rape is a bad thing, and of course would never do such a thing (is that naive to think even in my group of friends?! That is part of what it felt like being taken to task over my word usage - that some of my friends might not understand what I actually meant, and would actually think that rape is actually a lesser thing because I used it in an incorrectly defined statement)
  • I actually came to rather a horrific thought at one point - that the reason my friends were mortified by the use of the word, was because it was effectively a trigger, because they had been a victim of rape - which was a truly horrific thought, and I can only apologise if that was the case - and completely fail to offer anything else useful to say
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  • I then thought of some strange parallels - not equivalents necessarily - but parallels about what is okay to be said, in particular on social media:
  • I have seen friends share pictures of juicy steak meals, or talking up their latest delicious culinary consumption - which in the context of my social circles if perfectly fine (other than the usual dreary objections to people using twitter to tell me what they had for breakfast) - but if you were somehow friends with a community in Ethiopia, say; where widespread hunger exists - talking about your delicious food seems more than 'mildly irritating’ to your followers [And also harks back to my previous point - I wouldn’t want to talk about something in public/internet-public that might be seen by my friends as directly offensive]
  • Continuing on this theme, there is currently a Channel 4 advert for ’Kirstie’s Best of Both Worlds’ in which the host uses the phrase 'if I put a gun to your head which one would you choose…?’ - which in the main/general populous is fairly understood phrase. But can you imagine if (unbeknown to Kirstie) that particular home-buyer had been the victim of a kidnapping on holiday in Peru the year before, and still carried the mental scars of that experience they fortunately escaped? Presumably that would bring back horrific memories, just at the turn of that phrase? Obviously Channel 4 do their research into who is coming onto their programs, and maybe that did happen and they cut and everyone apologised, and things were fine, and they carried on.
  • But - as this is the first time this has come up in my worldly experience - consider this my research into this experience. Though, I am terrified to have written such a lengthy article on this subject, with - no-doubt - many points for expansion/adjustment
  • Also on this theme is a recent trailer for Stewart Lee’s comedy vehicle - in particular here - where he compares Twitter to the Stasi secret police of the 1980s. Now obviously, context of black humour here (I get it at least, but can imagine it isn’t to everyone’s cup of tea) - and also I don’t expect this will get aired in Eastern Europe where memories of the Stasi are much more relevant - butthose actual words written down are quite clearly incorrect; you can’t compare people tweeting about the activities of the vaguely famous as to the Orwellian dystopia of East Germany (of course Lee is using hyperbole for comic effect)
=

I think my mind has wandered enough for the purposes of this article; which is intended as a platform of discussion with my immediate social circle, so I can understand my apparent transgression better.

Most importantly - whilst I am happy for anyone to take offence at what I might have to say (it is a handy way of highlighting the disparity between our thinking and - if possible - where there is an opportunity for reconciliation of differences on a more fundamental level) - I do not mean to upset those closest to me.

So if my poor choice of words on that occasion caused you to hurt, I am sorry. And forgive the liberties taken above in attempting to put into words the many thoughts that exploded as a result of those poorly chosen words.

But I of course haven’t taken back those words - deleted them from the records - my faults are a matter of public viewing; honesty is the best policy when you make an honest mistake.

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