blog.djstead.net

  As the title suggests, I'm still here. Just wanted to let folk know that really - especially those of you that aren't necessarily in current contact with me. There's not much to report on at this moment in time - Project Chrysalis is ongoing, but progress is - deliberately - slow. Rest assured I am taking good care of myself, and those closest to me are being exceptionally wonderful, and I truly do not know how much more time I will need. And I am okay with that. Consider me in 'maintenance mode'. A lot of my additional functions are not in operation right now, and I'm focussing on the basics; and then - when the inclination takes me - I'm exploring my interests and the social circles I have been a part of, and figuring out what works; what I might come back to; and what I might need to leave behind. My aim is to deliver a more tangible and meaningful update towards the end of the current series (or around the end of September for you Gregorians out there)...

  The concept of selfishness... is a pretentious way to begin a blog. However, it is also something that I think gets portrayed in a negative light when you are young and developing. Probably for sensible reasons; like if a society wants to operate - it will need people to be external-facing, open to engagement; and maybe not too selfish. Like - yes you all have basic needs like food, water, shelter, clothing, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope - but there is a collective need to fairly distribute most of these things amongst us all, so you can't just go off on your own and take all the resources [looking at you, <insert obvious villain of the moment>]. And I think there is some truth there. However as my fortieth year has been and gone; I began sensing that the accumulation of experiences that I was, was no longer who I felt I could be, or wanted to be. Not in some violent, horrific realisation sort of way - to be very clear - I've had a lu...

  Firstly; two important things: This is not a cry for help. I am fine; I am just working a few things out - consider this more a statement of intent This is very much an on-the-hoof/off-the-cuff exploration of the thoughts I am currently processing, and are therefore to be taken with a pinch of thought - There's a moment in the brilliant and broadly uplifting film Rave On for the Avon  where the Avon Mermaid [you'll need to watch it to understand better!] takes a look back to one shore of the estuary and states how it doesn't really feel like they've moved any further away from the shore (especially considering the craft they are following is gradually moving away from them), and even when they are half-way it doesn't feel like they are making progress. I think that is a useful metaphor for how I have been feeling these past 9 months or more - I know I'm pedalling away from something, and - more importantly - towards something; but my destination is unclear and...

[Disclaimer: This is being written less than 24 hours since the ruling by the UK Supreme Court that a woman is defined by biological sex, under the 2010 Equalities Act. There will inevitably be elements of this that I have missed, and I am not a legal expert so I don't expect to be able to deconstruct that aspect of this news. Plus there are raw emotions here, because I also happen to be a human. I may therefore revisit this and make some edits in the future]. Are we really still this dumb? Are we still going about our lives and making judgements on other people based on their physical appearance? Are we still using physical characteristics as a proxy for a person's personality and character? - My understanding here with what some people are celebrating is the notion that "men" can't invade a "woman's" space. And they are absolutely right here - history is littered with "men" oppressing "women", and we are (or maybe were) approach...

Hello blog-ness my old friend; I've come to talk to you again... I think that something very important to me, is dialogue. And I'm using this in very widely distributed terms; IE not just a conversation between two people - but all kinds of conversations between myself and the external world that I perceive - that I interrogate on a regular basis. Of course this can include a conversation with another person - it often does mean just that! But it also refers to every form of conversation I can try and engage with my external world through, and - more often than not - interacting with the implied structures within that world. Very often on this blog I have attempted to engage in a dialogue with the world of politics (or - more accurately - I have vented my frustration at the seeming lack of two-way conversations that occur in this arena - or even more accurately; the horrific imbalance of power between those that have been imbued with it by some seeming 'will of the people...

 I'm not certain what's going on with me at the moment. Let's take stock of a few facts and go from there: I have a really interesting job: Aside from a few peripheral quibbles; my actual job and place of work is really interesting, and whenever I am there and working, I am happy and feel good about what I am doing I have even begun to be a little more social with some of my colleagues; expressing myself a little more, and being more open in what I share with them - which isn't something I felt inclined to do at my previous job of nearly 18 years I have an amazing partner; whenever we interact I am filled with love and all the positive feelings - and not without some relationship work from the both of us - but we feel really good as partners, and I am experiencing new levels of shared happiness; it's bonkers in all the good ways And yet when I am away from these two significant aspects of my life (on 'non-working' days; and when I'm living on my own), I...