blog.djstead.net

 I'm not certain what's going on with me at the moment. Let's take stock of a few facts and go from there: I have a really interesting job: Aside from a few peripheral quibbles; my actual job and place of work is really interesting, and whenever I am there and working, I am happy and feel good about what I am doing I have even begun to be a little more social with some of my colleagues; expressing myself a little more, and being more open in what I share with them - which isn't something I felt inclined to do at my previous job of nearly 18 years I have an amazing partner; whenever we interact I am filled with love and all the positive feelings - and not without some relationship work from the both of us - but we feel really good as partners, and I am experiencing new levels of shared happiness; it's bonkers in all the good ways And yet when I am away from these two significant aspects of my life (on 'non-working' days; and when I'm living on my own), I...

  About 23 years ago, I started to make some fairly fundamental decisions about my life. I'm referring to internal, philosophical and - ultimately (pun intended) - selfish decisions, that would steer my way of approaching life for the next few decades. Perhaps the term selfish is misleading, as I think it has a negative feel to it (which, may well still be true in some lights); but what I mean by the previous sentence, is that I looked at the world outwardly from myself. I started from first principles (which I stacked up at ultimatephilosophy.com), and lived on the basis that everything else in life was a lot of fun things, that ultimately didn't matter. I came to conclusions very early on in my life, that acknowledged that life is a singular experience - an often lonely one - and I became very lucky through my privilege that often life wasn't too harsh on me - I have (and indeed have!!) a great support network around me, of friends and family; who were accepting of my vie...

  Surely it must be true of all humans, that for a significant percentage of your life, it is spent trying to figure out what is going on. Certainly in early childhood that seems demonstrably true - what can I eat? What is hot, what is cold? How do I communicate with these other people? These people in particular seem to care about me - that feels nice; I'll stay with them for a while; and so on. Then as a teenager you perhaps start to figure out more about who you  are and what the body of yours can do - and maybe start to think about the entirety of existence, and your place within it. That feels familiar to me - but I think it absolutely doesn't stop there if you don't want it to. Yes there are some avenues where folks accept there being no answer to 'why this?', and carry on a path for the rest of their lives (and, objectively, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that) - whilst others continue to question things: Why do we work? Why are we supposed ...

  I guess what I'm starting to realise is what happens when you start to question everything - societal structures; capitalism; citizenship - is that very little appears to lie outside of these constructs. Maybe that's obvious to everyone but me; but here I am. Some of these questions have been developing for quite some time now: I started questioning my existence as a citizen of the United Kingdom through the 2010 and 2015 general elections, and subsequent Brexit vote. All of which led - in part - to the formation of the Ministry of Ginger, which became a more solid concept in April 2019, and issued a Statement of Intent a few years ago, about dissociating from the UK in some ways A broader questioning of social structures has always been prevalent in my own personal development; I guess I might point to realising that I am ethically non-monogamous a decade or so ago, as one example - but others around class, religion, gender and others have for sure filtered through my mind ...

  I'm trying to get this out of my head whilst the sensation is still fresh. Genuinely - what was the point of all that? What was the point of Christmas? I have no doubt that folks reading this have their own interpretations of what Christmas is - be it a religious observation; a familial event; a cultural bonanza; a shopping spree; an excuse to spend time with people you love. The latter absolutely used to be the case for me; and certainly on some levels was still the case for me for Christmas 2023. But I still find myself questioning what was the point; and why did I feel obliged to participate in a cultural juggernaut, when it's origins are so muddled in recent times? - It strikes me that the most prevalent version of Christmas ( in the UK at least ) is the commercialised one. Maybe not even figure-headed by Santa now - it's a pure economy-driving emblem, especially since Covid began - and without joining the choir of purists, I can't recall the last mention of Jesus...

  I actually can't find a record of holiday I took on my own that wasn't a Magic extended weekend (Copenhagen and Stockholm) or a drive down to Nantes in 2019. And whilst I have done a multi-country trip in Europe (thank you 2017), that was in the excellent company of one Areckahn; so I am not sure that I have ever strictly done a holiday on my own? Even America in 2007 was mainly spent with my cousin Alex. So allow me to recant you the tale of September 2022, and my travels to France and Beyond (with pictures!).